The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
