weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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