K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
