Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I am spending my child support on dildos
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
