there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize