Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
