My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
