it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
