i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize