so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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