Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
