I am puke
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
