maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
