He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
