Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
