i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
