Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
