Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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