Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
