she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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