How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
