Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Small penises have feelings too.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
