Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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