I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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