you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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