I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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