Got a toothbrush?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
