Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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