We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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