speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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