So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
