i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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