Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
