I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
high people should be assigned attendants
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
