I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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