is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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