I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
