I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
