he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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