coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
