WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
