Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
