Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
