Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
