I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
