Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
