I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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