Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
