also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
