I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I can't turn off my feet"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
