The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You're like the curious george of whores
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
