I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
