So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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