she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize