FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
