Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
