I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
