Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
