yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
