I love black thongs
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
