no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
