he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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