MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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