the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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