I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Randomize
