What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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