woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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