So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
