During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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