she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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