Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
