Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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