quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
