What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
