i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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