and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
